Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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