Don't you send me to vm
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
