There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We left the knife in your bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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