so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
