So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize