If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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