So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
