I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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