There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
