im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
