If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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