if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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