Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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