I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
