I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
