i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
