Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize