I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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