i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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