So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
