you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
