I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
