I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She's the barista slut.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
