He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
