11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
