dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
