the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
