I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
