So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
