laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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