Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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