the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't turn off my feet"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
