i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
