What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
