the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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