I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
