eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hello my rib-scented angel!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
