Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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