I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
