i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
