If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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