I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
