Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her vagine was all disorganized.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
