he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Farmville is her only friend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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