She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
