my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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