Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize