You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
