um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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