It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
