the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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