How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
