FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
