I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
