i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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