hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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