Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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