If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
