Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
