butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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