you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
