So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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