yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
