I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
